A YEAR OF FAITH after letting go of studio space after 8 years
Written by Salla / Inbodhi Yoga Fuerteventura
I had contemplated the decision for years already, basically since the pandemic started. I was postponing to make the final call should I or shouldn’t I. I had invited my inner teacher to come closer and to participate the decision making process, to show me the way and what to do. In the end, even I had finally made the decision to go for it and give away the studio - the way I maneuvered the transition was a complete surprise for me.
The departure from the studio was liberating and heartbreaking at the same time.
At the last week they started to do a street work right on top of the studio. It felt like they were digging in my 8 years roots from the space. The noice went through the muscles and bones.
I felt as if a part of me departed along with the space, something that I never expected to happen. The connection to that sacred spot, the presence of the walls that had given me, and over the years for so many others too, shelter to breathe and move. To breathe and move the body, mind and the spirit = LIFE. The wave of Vinyasa.
The stillness of the Yoga cave. I will never forget the first time I felt it.
”This is where I will land” I remember thinking back in 2015. ”This is where I will put my time, focus and heart. This is what I will nurture and what will give me a sense of purpose in life. I remember rooting myself, not only with that studio, but with myself too. It kept me still and calmed down my wandering and restless heart. Since the day one I knew I will create something amazing with it, even I didn't always know how.
The mission of sharing the love of the practice, and the commitment to that mission. My commitment to the practice, and to the love.
It’s been a year of faith...
A year of adaptation to the new. A year of getting back on board to catch the waves again. I’ve been washed, whirlpooled and pushed by the under currents. I have lost my sight on the shore and got drifted to the rocky reefs.
I have felt everything. Every-thing. And I have sat down with those feelings. I have done my best to not to push them away, but to allow them to be fuel for my transformation. I have invited them to be part of my practice. It's yoga... everything good in your life and everything bad in your life.
The range of emotions from freedom to overwhelm, and the feeling of having no professional routines or roots (thank god for the family and home roots).
From inspiration, excitement and courage of creating and becoming new to the complete self doubt, energy consuming hesitation and shyness to show up and to be truly seen.
YTT (Yoga Teacher Training) one-lines pops in to my mind out of nowhere - guiding to BE open - so that I learn from my own growth story.
The depth of the absence of actual community, the missing element of not having ”my people” around to share the practice with.
And then the envy I have felt when seeing others doing what I felt I couldn’t do or deliver, and the shame for feeling the envy in a first place. The following feeling of compassion to myself and the permission to feel all feelings. The choice to stand by my own side no-matter-what is present in me.
You failed, says the inner critic. Cold voice and a full body heaviness.
You let go of your biggest creation.
The presence of the critic is so ruthless sometimes… It brings tension to my shoulders, worries all over my mind. Self criticism can feel so heavy in the heart.
”There has to be another way to look at this” I say to myself. "Use your off the mat tools, you got this!"
I take a deep breath, and I watch the ocean in front of me...
”Hey You! Ocean. You took me here. You tell me where to go now, what to do and what to say, and to whom?" The ocean asks me to choose a sign.
Choose a sign that shows I am being heard, so I can feel relieved and at peace with the process. Choose a sign to feel that NOW is time for yoga and that I can reconnect and ROOT DEEP to my FAITH… I can reconnect and clarify my purpose and mission to do this work with the VISION I know I have - even I don’t see the results yet - it doesn’t mean the vision is not on the way.
Choose a sign to FEEL that the Universe has my back at all times, and especially - now. Okay. Alright. So I take a deep breath, and I choose my sign.
First thing that comes to my mind: DOG.
Oh come on Salla, choose another one! I see dogs all the time. We got 2 at home!
”This is it - it’s a dog.” Ocean says. "Alright" I say out aloud with a sight. "If the Universe is listening, supporting and cheering on me, I will encounter with the dog. O-kay! Good that we clear that out" I say, and smile. "Moving on now, got things to do, places to be" On that note I stand up and went on my day.
About a week later… we are just finishing the Wednesday morning beach class in Waikiki.
I’m ready to lay down to my Savasana. I got two beautiful fellow yogis with me, we’ve just done the Follow the yogi - Rocket practice. Sun feels warm on my face, the sky is getting clear after the cloudy morning and I can feel the gentle island breeze on my skin.
I lay down and close my eyes. People are passing by, different languages, conversations… It feels so good to drift deeper into the stillness. I feel how familiar the beach is. This class has been my weekly ocean prayer for so many years already. Savasana… corpse pose. A Yogic death. Complete surrendering. Letting go… letting it go… letting it all go…
Something soft.
Something soft starts to lean on to my side. Comes really close by and leans on me. Pushes towards my ribs without any sense of hurry. Affirmative. Still.
A dog.
It’s the dog from the Surf school behind the beach yoga spot.
The dog that never ever comes to us (and once even peed on my flyers).
I realize… it’s not going anywhere. It’s my sign. It is so my sign!
I wrap my arm around it and it continues to Savasana with me. It’s there to stay. "This is it. I'm not alone." I say silently to myself. "I am heard, supported and one with the one, namaste"
”That dog really likes you” my fellow yogi Jim says. I look at him with a smile on my face and I would love to share the whole story but at the same time it feels too emotional, too miraculous and I feel like I wouldn’t be able to share it without ridiculously weeping cry.
I pet the dog gently. She looks at me like saying: "You got it? You got the message?" I nod and in the same moment, she gets back up, shakes the sand off her and takes off. I watch her going and ignoring us like she has done for years before.
I am here. I am present. And I see you. I see me in YOU. We can go through hard times and different seasons, even sometimes heartbreaking growth journeys - and through that process we grow into new version of ourselves. Individually and as a community. We can learn from the resistance and alchemize the struggle we feel. We can become truly free.
The feeling of struggle can show us that we are allowing things to move. Human EVOLution.
I am starting to believe that we can simultaneously feel that it’s not going to work out and that we are being guided - What matter is what we choose to believe. Where we put our focus on. What we allow to move through us, and what we set free in that very process.
Resisting fear will keep us stuck. On the other side of it there is love that can co-exist through the process of any growth and change. It is okay to feel it all, and to allow yourself to feel it all. To have courage to feel lost, confused, even worried AND brave enough to feel enough despite of it all.
The change, growth and inner alchemy will happen anyways and at all times! "When one has faith, one will act on that faith."
I have just realized that this year was also a birth year of THE ACADEMY OF INNER ALCHEMY - an online container for those who are seeking for a deeper sense of connection and understanding of themselves. Those who desire to stand by their own sides in every turns of life. Those who seek to be truly happy and free, so that they can support and help others to feel more happy & free too! A yogic lighthouses in this world.
I can now see my part in the beginning of that story. Of course I was meant to go there (to inner alchemy) so that I can support others to do the same. To be the ALCHEMIST no matter what is going on in our lives, and to become courageous to go through the change and growth we are called to go through.
So did I make a mistake when I fearlessly followed my intuition even when it didn't make sense to me and to many others? I don’t think I did. It was essential chapter of the process of evolvement, change and growth - and these are the very elements I want to be part of in THIS LIFE time of mine.
Today is my 44th birthday, and I am inviting this new year with a deep gratitude in my heart. Thank you. I appreciate that it was YOU who read this.
MUCH love!
Salla x
Learn more about THE ACADEMY OF INNER ALCHEMY here
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